Oookay. I've been finding myself watching this show for the past few nights. Even though its completely ridiculous and dramatic.
Tonight's episode is about ecstacy. I used to watch these shows and think, "Wow, they make it look really bad." Now I'm realizing that it really is that bad. I guess once you get involved you get caught up, and start telling yourself its not that bad. Then when you look back, you're just like, oh man. I asked someone about brain "sells" the other day. I think that was enough proof that drugs are bad.
I seriously need to start cleaning up my act. I know I'm not really that bad into it, and I don't have any addictions to tobacco/alcohol/narcotics, but I'm fully convinced I am addicted to the rush that it gives me, sneaking around, doing stuff I'm not supposed to do, and I think that addiction is just as bad.
When Angelo was talking this weekend about wanting to become an anesthesiologist, it made me think, "Well damn, what am I gonna do?" I mean, I've had the dream of being in the entertainment business for as long as I can remember, but now that I'm done with high school, I need to start being specific, and take the steps toward getting to that point.
My mom is making me sign up to start taking college classes in January. I'm freaking 15 years old, I'm supposed to be a sophomore. I'm gonna start college before my older senior friends? Something about that makes me uneasy. I mean, yeah, it sounds like a big accomplishment but I'm worried I'm throwing myself out there and into the world to fast! I wanna grow up, and get a job, and a degree, but damn, why so fast? I'm turning sixteen in 2 months, and starting the rest of my life in 3.
So, I guess now is as good a time as any to start living right.
I just wish I knew how to make these decisions, and drop the people I need to. I just hate to leave the ones I love. Cause my friends mean the world to me, probably more than they should.
Maybe I'll visit Max, and ask him for advice. He sure figured out how to leave.
"I remember back when parties were birthday cakes and bowling alleys. Now they're adventures that can kill you."
-Dawson (The one with the creek.)